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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 8 (8-1-2019)


Guru

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Alanon Step 8 (8-1-2019)


eStep 8

Made a list all persons we formed and became willing to make amends to them all
quote from c2 c page 101    Withh this step we sort out our part, taking responsibility for our actions and also releasing ourselves the burden of falsely held responsibilities
 
My share
 
When I first read thisStep I found it extremely frightening. Having to look within the uncover all the people that I have harmed in my lifetime, was certainly a challenge
With the help of my sponsor, we decided break it down into small manageable time frames and doing it that way allowed me to look thoroughly at my thoughts and actions over the course of my life. I must admit that it was a challenge and I could not a done it alone without the support of alanon friends and meetings. I know I had an exaggerated sense of how I hurt people and working with others helped me to see this defect.
If you are like myself filled with fear when you see this step, remember that we are working towards building new tools going forward and we cannot embrace new tools unless we see the old ones in action. I am ever grateful for this step
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Step 8 Questions

 

Have I considered placing myself at the top of my list?

 

Have I resisted making a list?  If so why?

 

How did I use the 4th Step to prepare my list?

 

How do I use rationalization or justification to block me from making the list?

 

How willing am I to be completely honest?

 

Do I recognize that my minding someones business may have harmed them or others and am I willing to see the need for my amends?

 

Which people on my list as I willing to contact first?  Why?


 


p



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Betty
nre


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Posts: 3
Date:

Step 8 frightened me too and I just ignored it in meetings, never doing the work.
Recently my Alanon group came to Step 8 and I decided it was time to work it. I am
still working it, but at least I am engaged. I wish my group was more engaged in
working steps. That is why I found my way here.

Some good thoughts here. I did put myself at the top of the list, and made 3 columns
as suggested in How Ala-Anon Works. Initially, I put absolutely everyone I knew on the
list thinking I had harmed everyone my path had crossed my whole life. Now I am over
that, and am going to rework my list with smaller most important people who, of course,
are still alive. My son, my best friend, myself. Everytime I come back around to Step 8,
I can re-people the list, hoping of course that I have done Step 9 on them first.

It is just a list for now, right?

Step 9 is when I make direct amends.

Even as I write this, my heart is racing.


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Sunny


Senior Member

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Posts: 139
Date:

 

  smile Ma'am...

                      Step 10, for me... is about routine day to day stuff. A new me, relaxed.

                      Altered attitudes aid recovery, and a good Step 8 achieves this one. I agonised over raising our own kids. So I had to be kind to myself, just as much as anyone else. Sometimes I chose to merely demonstrate my changes, rather than make direct amends. Especially if these might embarrass people. [This is the second part of Step nine.]

For me the emotional sobriety in AA translates into emotional maturity in Alanon- exactly the same thing. You seem to have this in spades! aww ...

DavidG.



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Participation is the key to harmony.

nre


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Posts: 3
Date:

David G.... I really appreciate your thoughts and had wondered if
"demonstrating changes" instead of direct amends would suffice.

As for myself, I think I will write a letter to myself.
In the case of my son, I thought I would write a letter of amends to him.
In the case of my BFF, I thought demonstrating amends would be preferable and have been doing so.
In the case of my brother #2, I have demonstrated amends.

That is my beginning. When I move on to Step 9, I will have 2 letter to write, and continue demonstrating to others.




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Sunny


Senior Member

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Posts: 139
Date:

 

  smile Oh boy... I am in the hot seat now. Well warm seat, anyway which is comfortable. aww ...

I think it is up to us how far we want to go with our amends. Through doing the work, we do develop the ability and judgement to do this.

Being in Alanon, in the first place- was a fly in the eye to my family. In a small town, and parking outside the rooms was enough!

So I am always wary of doing more harm than good.

Are you using the "Blueprint for Progress"? Are you working with a sponsor?

You can chat through stuff here. Stay anonymous! 

-DavidG.



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Participation is the key to harmony.

nre


Newbie

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Posts: 3
Date:

I live in a very small rural lakeside community and small town meetings are a challenge.
That is one of the reasons I like this online site, it is anonymous.
Do not have the blueprint for progress. Maybe available in my in-person group.

What frightened me about Step 8/9 was that I felt I had to amend to everyone, in person,
right away. Through this site, I see that it can be as small or big or anyway I feel able to handle.
And it is not fixed forever. I will evolve with time. For now, I just need to get engaged, rather than
continuing to ignore it.


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Sunny


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 139
Date:

 

   aww Ma'am... spot on- with your comments... smile ...



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Participation is the key to harmony.

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