Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all

My first instinct was you have got to be kidding, they should all be making amends to me. And then I got honest with myself. I had caused a lot of havoc in many people's lives.

Very recently I went to my own sponsor and shared with her a story from 20 years ago. I had a very dear friend in a troubled relationship. I told this poor woman day in and day out what to do and how to get out of that relationship. Of course she never listened and the friendship over time died. When I worked step 8, this woman was not on my list, however as time has gone on. As I've continued to look back and peel away layers, I know I owe an amends here. Who was I to think I knew what was best for this person I called a dear friend? My sponsor and I discussed an amends.

But let me back up to the first time I worked this step. I actually put the "easy" names on my list first. I had come to realize that I owed both of my adult children an amends for how I treated their father during the years we all lived together. It was suggested I also put myself on this list. When I made this list, I was not sure why I belonged on the list but I listened to the wisdom that came before me and added myself. 

I avoided putting certain people on my list because I was not willing to make amends at all. I was told that's ok. We don't need to talk about amends today. I was guaranteed I could move forward in my step work even if some on my list never got an amends from me. Up to this point I worked fearlessly to bring serenity to my life and so I put people on the list who I swore I'd never make an amends to. Today, that list still has a few people that have been on the list for quite some time and that's ok. It's my program and I work it in my time. There are no rights or wrongs. Will I ever make amends to those few people? I truly don't know. What I do know if that now and again, I visit that old list, I talk about it with my sponsor and I 100% have made living amends.

Do you have any step 8 stories or wisdom you'd like to share?