Step Nine Questions

dot · Senior Member

Step Nine Questions

wallsal55 · Member

Question #4 is a biggy for me. Alcoholism ALWAYS places me in an embarrassing situation(s) Never fails. An amend can be for someone else's sake and to ask their forgiveness. We may find relief from their response. We may not get the response we want or expect. If we have their forgiveness, it may lift a big burden from us.

In making this decision, I have to look at the last words of this Step---except when to do so would injure them or others. If I am going to hurt other family members of the person I make amends too OR going to cause a stir....or perhaps a scene (which means I am not sincere yet), then I leave it alone. I try journaling, praying, change the behavior(s). That's all I can do.

My hangup is that I have that feeling that if I have to go away.....then that means I have to disappear....and as angry as that makes me feel....maybe I should, then walk away.....Just Let It Go and Put In God's/HP's hands

That's why I think it is important to check it out with a sponsor when you are not sure if it will hurt someone or else. I cannot always tell the difference in my confused thinking.

rosielightshines · Member

dot wrote:

Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

1. How can I plan what I'm going to say in my direct amends to be clear and concise and to avoid blaming any other person?

%%%%%% for me??? i keep the focus on me/ my part of the sttreet, what i did, MY part in our trouble.....nomatter i am going to be free, whether they forgive me/ or reciprocate my amend, it doens't matter, its all about taking responsibility for MY actions

2. What is the difference between an apology and making amends?

%%%%%%% well an apology is clear- making amend is not necessarily an apology...when i make AMEND it is a CHANGE in MY behaviour, MY way of doing things......**amending** the way i behave to better the relationship , or if it is disolved, **amending** so as to not RE-offend if i am the one who offended....sometimes making **amends** is putting some distance between me and the other to take care of me....

3. What amends can be best done by changing my behavior?

%%%%%%% for one thing pursuing DAILY recovery work.....learning from my wrongs so i dont re-offend

4. How can I be sure I'm not just ducking an embarressing situation? Please share your ES&H - Love - Dot

%%%%%%% that is where i do steps 4/ 10......AM i ducking?? or is it right for me to wait???? i ask my FEELINGS.....my INNER voice.....they are good barometers......thanks, rosie

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