Hi Carosie, acknowledging that we are powerless, it's a huge step.  I really related to your 'giving it up'.  It was the most foreign thing to me but after the first time, at least I knew what I had to do.

My experience:  After spending years trying everything I knew to get the A to stop, I finally, simply, gave in to the acceptance that I had failed.  It occured to me, on that day, that there was not 'one more thing' that I could say or do that would make a difference.  At first I felt sad. Sad because I wanted him 'so much' to see what he was doing to himself, me and our family.  I grieved for our loss, thinking that if I couldn't help/make him change, then who else would care enough?  Then I felt anger.  Angry that he wouldn't listen to me and others, angry that I was in this situation and there were no solutions (that I could see). 

My strength:  Then I prayed.  I put my A  in God's hands like I had never before.  I told Him that I admitted defeat (I had never done that one before) and acknowledged that only He had the power to help us. 

My hope:  Then, unbelievably, I felt as though the world had been lifted from my shoulders.  I felt such relief that the burden was not mine anymore.  Joy filled my soul.  I was a new person, and again, I was happy within myself.  That was more than 8 months ago and I still have that joy.  Every day I remind myself that I am powerless over another human being and every day I remain free.  I have seen slow changes in my A.  Tonight we agreed to start talking about things that happened in our childhood.  This is the first time he has ever agreed to talk about it. 

I don't pretend that I'm not tempted to take my old role back.  But everytime it happens, it is for a shorter period of time.  I am still learning and that's ok.  It's progress, not perfection.  I see my God as caring, loving, and deserves for me to love and trust Him.  Hope this helps.  Char